There's stuff I regret, that's for sure. There are people I sure don't wanna see never again in my whole life. There are people who I miss desperately. Thing is I can't get my mind straight about who's who. Or if they're the same people in both cases. Or if... the hard thinking is even worth it. Sometimes I believe I'm done. All these energies wasted on trying to decide whether to change my life or not... that I've come to think that I am tired of living my life in transition. I want to settle and be the same way for around 2 to 3 years.
Ideas are crashing my head now, but I can't write them down because nobody can see them. Nobody will ever understand. I can't even tell them verbally to other person. And it's so frustrating because I feel the urge of a shoulder to lean on, or at least someone who's actually listening. I wish I could have a dog.
I'm ok at school, I earned money, my family loves me, and I have a couple of really good friends. But I still feel something's missing, and I hate that feeling like hell itself. It's not supposed to be there. I am "lackless". Or perhaps I lack of lackness? Now, that's a pretty sociological issue there.And there it comes again: that stupid reasoning. Like if I don't care at all. It' so annoying. If only I had the strenght in order to block the useless feelings for the day... I'd be Theodore Roosevelt by now or something. I need a real bad temper!
Oh, screw this. This ain't gonna change the world, not even a bit. I need my heart to stop pumping that hard because I know that I'm not gonna be able to keep up with it. I can't even cry anymore. I can't study either, obviously. So now what? A shower? What extra data do I need to tell myself that we're done?
